---
title: Should You Never Split The Difference? Dr Mark Goulston Answers.
description: Dr. Mark Goulston is a psychologist, professor, negotiator, and author who shares his take on if you should never split the difference.
image: https://thesaleswhisperer.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Are%20You%20Holding%20Yourself%20Hostage%2c%20Dr%20Mark%20Goulston.jpg
---
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Oct 01, 2020
# Should You Never Split The Difference? Dr Mark Goulston Answers.
 [Wes Schaeffer](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/author/wes-schaeffer)
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## How to listen when you're talking to crazy (from a former hostage negotiator)
**. **
---
---
***[\[ LISTEN NOW ON APPLE PODCASTS \]](https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sales-whisperer-wes-schaeffer-hosts-the-sales-podcast/id655310847?mt=2)***
## [Negotiation Tips](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/daily) you'll learn today on [The Sales Podcast](https://www.thesaleswhisperer.com/podcast)...
- Thoughts on "never split the difference" from another former hostage negotiator
- Everyone is listening for something
- Give it to them, and they'll lean toward you
- Different than listening to you
- Red Zone Communication, i.e., immediately relevant
- How to think like Elon Musk
- How to think like Steve Jobs
- What you want to create is "Whoa. Wow. Hmm. Yes!"
- Whoa: I can't believe..."could you say that again?"
- Wow: that's astonishing
- Hmm: that's too good not to use.
- Yes!: sold
- How to create "gotta have it."
- Your bottleneck to success is having to do anything through people because people are messy
- Execution is the key
- People are afraid
- Identify, stop, or get away from evil as soon as you see it
- We're flawed humans
- Buyers lie. Sellers lie. Why? We're all afraid. Why are we afraid?
- Spoke in Moscow with Nobel Prize winner
- Leading through change vs. leading through fear
- It's tough to learn when you're afraid
- Our minds and focus constrict when we're afraid
- Give our people a non-fail tactic or tool to get immediate results
- Make them curious to learn more
[](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/hs/cta/wi/redirect?encryptedPayload=AVxigLKegWOLTtc5tOsZv7mdoz3ttfids1UyogUqgFClFkHdiEBd7cXDUUTNE%2Fm3yx0gLgbX7QYODgQSCjJPbqrBoNSj367QKjWJR8jF6wP4gZfY8A2Z8BaU2jkfs24S0YmIxJ5%2BxiEm5Wp9DPem12Agrz5MzW5cujkhh%2BFNNxmslZh5tq%2FdVQMt&webInteractiveContentId=184500196010&portalId=443614)
- "The FUD/Crud Technique"
- Imagine you're in a tiff with someone
- You can't tell them to "calm down"
- Let them vent
- Look at them
- Pause when they are done
- Say, "Hmmm"
- "You seem frustrated, and I think you're holding back." "I think you're frustrated, upset, and disappointed."
- Peel those layers of the onion
- "Give me an example." Don't get defensive.
- Let them get things off their chest safely.
- The upset point is the pivot.
- They will calm down.
- "What are you disappointed about?" "I can understand that, too."
- "Let's discuss what we need to do so we don't have to go through this again."
- FUD/CRUD in sales when you're getting pushback
- "Can I run something by you? It seems like things aren't going as well as we had hoped."
- "When people think of sales, they think people are trying to pull something over on them. Where did we go sideways?"
> Everyone is listening for something."
- The title of his talk in Russia was "One One One Six"
- What's the least you can say that will make people say, "What's that? Tell me more!"
- Buyers are listening for **one one one six**.
- "May I make an observation? I think what you're listening for is **one one one six**."
- "Will you regret saying yes one day, one week, one month from now?"
- "You're also listening for if you'll regret saying no one day, one week, one month from now."
- "You might also regret saying no if your competitor buys from us and they lap you because of this."
- "The six is if you say yes to the wrong thing and your boss comes to you six months later and shares the pain with you."
- "You're also hoping the boss shares the success six months later."
- "Can you fill me in on this? What does this look like to make you a star six months from now?"
- "May I share an observation with you? You and I have much more in common than we do with your CEO. Your CEO has a cushion. We're judged much more harshly. I will not sell you anything that gets you into trouble."
- Four keys to sales success
- Go for a great outcome for both
- Be aware of your own blind spots
- Go from your here to their there, i.e., let go of your agenda
- After you've given enough, give more, i.e., over-deliver
- What is surgical empathy?
- Chris Voss, author of "[Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It](https://amzn.to/310YMuN)," talks about tactical empathy, but Mark has an issue with that.
- You start to cry when you're not in hell alone, which helps you relax, which helps you think.
- Men in business are emotionally shy
- They'll feel transactional vs. feeling as though you care
- They feel like things could go out of control at any time
- How to make cold calls successfully
- Everyone is so tense, so get them to laugh
- How to use a pattern interrupt in cold calling
- How to disarm people via "[Talking to Crazy](https://amzn.to/2DBUCAX)"
- "Do you ever have one of those days and everything blows up in your face, and you're hoping someone calls to put you out of your misery? Are you that guy?"
- Don't beat yourself up. Get started and get good.
- CEO of Kaiser Permanente said you have to forgive yourself when you get things wrong. If you don't, you won't take risks.
- More on surgical empathy...
- With suicidal patients, they've heard people try to convince them too often
- "At its absolute worst, how bad does it get inside you?" "You don't want to know." "You're probably right, but if someone other than you doesn't know how bad it is in there, you're going to go off the deep end." "I'm already there. Pull up a chair."
- In sales...
- "May I make an observation? You've been burned before, haven't you? You've been disappointed...You're like all of us. They were tough to bounce back from. Now you question yourself. 'What was I thinking?' You may not even be aware of it."
- The prospect is asking questions that don't fit. They're having a flashback they're not aware of.
- "I'm not here to have you go through that again."
- "Take it all the way to no" from "[Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone](https://amzn.to/3i9UKXo)"
- Unless you get a no, you're giving away too much
- "What question did I fail to ask, what problem did we fail to address that would have made this answer different?"
- The other person respects you when you are calm and gracious when you handle a "no" now
- Why don't we delegate? We don't have confidence in them? Ask them, "How would you solve this?"
- The difference between delegating and abdicating.
- How to get your prospects to ask, "[When can you start, and how do you like to get paid?](https://markgoulston.com/when-can-you-start/)"
- Great marketing makes selling easy. Great selling makes great marketing possible.
## Links Mentioned In [The Sales Podcast](https://www.thesaleswhisperer.com/podcast)
- Get his #1 book, "[Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone](https://amzn.to/3252UuB)"
- Get his #1 book, "[Talking to Crazy](https://amzn.to/2DBUCAX)"
- Visit the post "[When Can You Start?](https://markgoulston.com/when-can-you-start/)"
- Get his book, "[Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In](https://amzn.to/35gqGpw)"
- "Change everything you know about communication," his talk given in Moscow
- Get Chris Voss's book, "[Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It](https://amzn.to/3282K5S)"
- Get "[Thinking Fast and Slow](https://amzn.to/35giCVB)" by Daniel Kahneman.
- Listen to "[My Wakeup Call Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-wakeup-call-with-dr-mark-goulston/id1439752757)"
- Get his book, "Why Cope When You Can Heal?: How Healthcare Heroes of COVID-19 Can Recover from PTSD"
- Get the book by Cameron Herold, "[Vivid Vision: A Remarkable Tool For Aligning Your Business Around a Shared Vision of the Future](https://amzn.to/2GFfVTu)
[The Sales Podcast](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/topic/the-sales-podcast)
## Related posts
[](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/bob-moesta)
[The Sales Podcast](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/topic/the-sales-podcast)
## [The Most Interesting Entrepreneur In The World, Bob Moesta](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/bob-moesta)
 [Wes Schaeffer](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/author/wes-schaeffer)
Oct 21, 2022
.
[Read more](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/bob-moesta)
[](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/david-newman)
[The Sales Podcast](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/topic/the-sales-podcast)
## [Get the Premier Position To Make More Sales With David Newman](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/david-newman)
 [Wes Schaeffer](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/author/wes-schaeffer)
Jun 13, 2025
Win In the Attention Economy .
[Read more](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/david-newman)
[](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/matthew-pollard)
[The Sales Podcast](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/topic/the-sales-podcast)
## [The Introvert's Edge To Networking: Matthew Pollard](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/matthew-pollard)
 [Wes Schaeffer](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/author/wes-schaeffer)
Jan 19, 2021
Introverts can and do make great salespeople .
[Read more](https://thesaleswhisperer.com/blog/matthew-pollard)
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